My wife is gone
She left in the middle of the night She told me we’d always be together But she left without leaving me a note We were never truly right for each other We tried to make it work But how do you keep on trying when deep down you know that you’re just not the right fit? She tried and resented me because she felt like I was turning her into something she was not I hated that she was pretending to be something I knew she didn’t want to be So just like that, we split Like a candle flickers in the dark One minute we’re alive, then we’re not And now, we begin the life we should have started a while ago Separate and new
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She was a genius
Who was always alone She pushed everyone away before they could hurt her And if they did, she shut the door on them Forever Because no one would hurt her twice She wouldn’t let herself become victimized She exerted control until she felt like she was living in a Self-made box The sun only rose when she said Which meant that it was often sleeping Nights grew cold Because at the sign of any mistake She thought the world was over She never let go and hardly forgave Which was her weakness Because her mind was always locked into what was wrong Or what went wrong And never gave her room to try again Because she was just too damn afraid Of not liking herself And you wonder why she liked no one else The bobblehead twins studied for the Bar and laughed themselves silly
The Bar was just too much to take seriously But of course they did, and cried so often One almost quit to look for a job instead The other forgot her name when she sat for the exam and almost got up to take it again the next year But stayed the course, they did, and aced that exam like a shopper on a whim The hours, the study sessions, and outlines paid off In ways they hope to never repeat They stuck together when they each had their own meltdowns And when strangers in restaurants asked them for advice Decades later, they are now seasoned attorneys Whom no one can stop even if they wanted to The Bar exam they now have under their belts And many swearing-ins later They get to call themselves leaders of the pack Their bar licenses say that’s a fact So I bought this really expensive padfolio made out of leather, and I was soooo pressed because when I ordered it online, it said that it came with a pen loop. Well, when I got it, I saw no pen loop. I was heated because I felt duped out of the money that I knew I overspent for something I could’ve bought at Staples. I even called the company to complain and let it know that it was selling items that it falsely advertised; but of course, the woman told me what I knew she would tell me: I could return the padfolio for a refund. I didn’t want to do that. So I let it sit on my barstool until I could figure out what to do with it.
From time to time I would look at that padfolio, and not believe how much money I spent on it, but was still too happy with its sleekness to return it, so it stayed on my stool. I picked it up one night and kept asking myself how companies dare to sell padfolios without a pen loop, which is only the most important thing that anyone wants in a padfolio anyway. I kept staring at the inside of it, imagining how I could create a makeshift pen loop or take it to a place that could make one for me. And that’s when the miraculous appeared. There it was staring me in my face. Only it wasn’t a pen loop, it was a pen slit. The leather was so sleek, and the slit so inconspicuous, that I hadn’t even noticed it hiding in the spine after opening the padfolio dozens of times. I slipped my finger in it to see if it was what I thought it was, and tada! It was! The pen loop! What I had been silently cussing the company out for not featuring in its merchandise the entire time, was actually there. You don’t know how happy I was to be so pleasantly surprised. I instantly realized that there’s no substitute for close inspection and patience. Even the customer service rep told me when I had called to report my dissatisfaction, that they had stopped selling the style with the pen loop that I thought I ordered. Clearly, even she wasn’t in on this sleekest version. Now, I can hold my padfolio knowing that it was worth every penny, even if there are better ones at Staples that can help you multitask a lot more for a fraction of the price. Nimble like the night
Agile was her fight She jumped and soared And always scored No one could beat her Even at their own game It seems they didn’t realize The success in her name She dances in circles
Content with all her blessings Weightless, she knows all things are possible I spent one of the best times of my life this year on a beach with my cousins in the Dominican Republic. It had literally only taken a phone call and a spontaneous Facebook messaging session for the three of us to find ourselves together at Playa Cabarete several days later.
Before that, I had been lamenting to another cousin about a promotion that I didn’t get, but thought I really wanted, and had been questioning where I’d be going with my life next. Her pep talk reminded me that everything that I wanted to materialize in my life happened because I willed it to be; I thought it. That was all I needed to remind me that if I wanted to live a life of travel, I could make that happen. So I did. In what was probably the most spontaneous thing I’ve ever done, I picked up the phone and called another cousin who also happened to be seeking her next travel adventure. Somehow DR popped up as the mutual destination of interest, and somehow my cousin living there said – in a separate conversation that I started with him at the exact same time that I was on the phone – we could come to his place at any time. It was destiny. Being on the beach in DR was exactly the remedy I needed. I remember sitting on the sand, in front of my cousin Jeff’s tent, with dembow blasting in the background, my cousin Chevonne sunbathing to my right, and me just looking out at the ocean, thinking that I absolutely needed nothing more from life in that moment. It was so fulfilling I don’t know how else to describe it. I was content. I had no stress, no worry, nothing plaguing my mind; I was just there. That’s exactly what life should be like. Don’t plan or over-anticipate. Just freaking Be. Be yourself. And be with your family and the only things that matter: earth, air, water (and fire to keep you warm if it gets cold). I had all of that. Once the sun had set, we sauntered over to the dinner table that had been waiting for us, that had been prepared by the waiters from the nearby restaurant. Our food was ready and the restaurant lights were glimmering in the background. We spent that whole night eating and laughing in that cool Caribbean air, with live music playing in the background and our feet touching the sand. I couldn’t have asked for a more magical moment than that. He said that he misses his brother.
But if his brother knew where he was, he would cry. I write to feel magic. To be in touch with that inner divinity that I know lies within. To get mad at the Universe. To scold humans for being selfish and short-sighted, to yearn for fantasy and live within it, to weep internally, to release my rage, to let go of my past and armor my future, to create excellence and adventure, to find a friend, to sharpen my voice as I sharpen my saw, to harmonize with the world and create beauty, to give people hope while reminding them that we must never forget, to speak in many languages, to inspire, to take a freaking chill pill, to create art: visual, intellectual, and sonic, to transport myself abroad over and over, to reminisce, and to fall in love.
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